I have no idea how many friendships I have lost just because I pointed out the toxicity of significant others. It has been exhausting to witness some of my female friends suffering in an abusive relationship. When there is a huge fight, the ladies rush to us for solace; hearing all advice and nodding to it, they return to their significant others. But eventually, they take the side of the abusive ones and blame us. This pattern happened to me several times. In fact, I cursed myself for the ability to understand crooked ones around me.
Getting out of an abusive relationship is not easy, I understand. But this write-up will definitely make you feel motivated to do so. Keep reading
Are you in an abusive relationship?
Why can’t you leave? This is the most often question you hear from the people around you. Ending a toxic relationship is not at all easy, and not everyone is aware of it. It will again be a tough decision if you are jobless, isolated from the family, threatened and have no financial stability.
If you are confused, uncertain, or frightened about leaving an abusive relationship, just think all that matters is you and your well-being.
- You deserve to be happy
- You deserve respect
- You are not the reason for your partner’s behaviour
- You definitely need peace of mind
There are many people like you, and there are many people who are willing to help you. Legal services and women’s support groups are out there in all countries. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to them.
What is stopping you from leaving an abusive relationship?
My partner will change.
No, these abusers have deep-rooted emotional and physiological problems; the chances that they will change are significantly less. Even if they do, it is a long process, and they should take the initiative for counselling and other things.
I can help my partner.
It is pretty natural for you to think that only you can understand the abuser and support them. But the harsh truth is you are actually eternalising the problem by taking repeating abuses.
He/she promised me a change.
Usually, these promises are made to keep you in control. They are all fake promises.
He is attending counselling.
There is no guarantee that he would change. There are many abusers out there who continue to go for counselling and, at the same time, abuse their partners. If the abuse is minimised, then it is good. But keep a watch on them.
I am afraid to leave an abusive relationship.
Please don’t let the fear of the unknown jeopardise your safety and life.
- Stay alert and sense the changing behaviour of the abuser.
- Find safe areas for hiding
- Come with code words
- Keep everything ready for an immediate evacuation
- Memorise emergency contacts
Always remember there are shelters around if you want to seek protection. The trauma you will have after being in an abusive relationship will be high. But counselling and therapy can help you do better. You will tend to jump into a relationship soon after leaving it, as you will miss the intimacy. But don’t do it. Take it slow, or else you will fall into an abusive relationship again!